Pages entry - 16 july 2020

Hi my lovelies, 


I wanted to share with you today my daily writing. This was written with the intention never to be shared, so easy peasey! It went something like this:


I love you so much x. 

Has anyone been through those times, concerts, whatever, hugely challenging to the point that you thought it might break you and you die? Where you feel there is no wayyou can get throughbit wotgout destroying everything. Oh my god. Where your body and mind conpletely shuts down in panic? The most scary thing youve done in such a long time. So. Much. Pressure.


It is imperative that in difficult times, you know how to keep your confidence up. 

It is crucial to your success as a human, to crush it or nail it. Aaand in order to do so... You need CONFIDENCE.

SO, how do you keep your confidence up? For me, its a godly thing. (stick with me!!) For every ten things about me that are cool (nice technique by dean graziosi, write down 10 things about you that are cool) theres easily ten or more that i could find that suck. So i personally cant stick to my physical world alone to help boost my confidence. 

I think that my human story has been so hard for me, too hard for me to kind of look at it from just the rational mind (especially with ny inherited brain chemistry and depressive thought patterns and habits, i am sooo damn mean to me) 

Soo i need to meditate and get into this place of irrational self-love and beauty towards and for me, just me me meeee. 

This goes totally against what my rational believes for me, and i need to bypass my rational mind to access a place of joy and self-love that i dont rationally believe i deserve. Bit regrdless of whether i believe it or not, somehow, its always there. Below the surface. 


Aaand when i tap into it, it allows an entirely new emotional experience to emerge from within me, and whatever shitty emotions or feelings that were there before are now replaced with feelings sich as gratitude, acceptance, humility, mywhole body inside and out is smiling, peace, compassion, forgiveness and self respect, unconditional love, kindness, ease, flow. And from this new, nice-feeling emotional state, it seems like my whole life transforms. 

Its as if my life becomes a dance with a 'higher force'. Noow its posaible that this 'higher force' jargon isnt real, but foe the purpose of explainong the EXPERIENCE of living in this 'new emotional state' it is the closest i have come YET to explaining or discussing what its like. 

As i was saying, life is like a dance between me and a higher being. The timing of life seems to always be perfect. 

I am always in the right place at the right time to meet thw right people. To hesr the right sentence. To see the right butterfly fluttering past. To arrive just as it starts raining outside, oorrr to leave just at the right time to meet the perfect rainbow and rain to have a nice little dance with nsture. 

It seems that i am dsncing with love itself. Everyone and everything i see, meet, touch, experience, hear, taste, whatver, is PERFECT. 

As if the entire universe is playing along with my plan of wellbeing. 

Life literally seems to become like a fairy tale musical. One of those oneswere everyone is so happy to be singing and dsncing along in unison and then someone gives you a flower and a free drink and everyone seems to love you and say hello as you pass by and people hold doors for you and cars pull out of your oerfect parking spot as you arrive and its almost as if ypuve somehow stepped into the 'flow of life' that you were born to live in. 


And all of this ONLY seems to happen when that new emotional state, tapped into by bypassing my nasty rstionak brain, spills over into my everyday experience and i choose to focus on and cultivate that delicious feeling equal to, or more than, the everyday things of my physical world. 

When i take care of HOW I FEEL, aka HOW i move through life aka the EXPERIENTIAL aspect of life as a human BEING, my physical reality seems to take care of itself. 


It is possible it would unfold in exactly the Same way - whether feeling great or not - but what i know for certain: life is a lot more fun when i feel damn good. 




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