Last night I couldn´t sleep.
It took me a few hours I think.
As I tried, I went deeply into myself and the many overwhelming thoughts bouncing around my brain.
As I tried to sleep I realized that the dominant emotion/feeling/vibration that I have been practising for the past few weeks is overwhelmingly fear-based.
I was watching many different thoughts and ideas and opinions and dialouges bouncing around my brain (Imagine an electrical circuit with excess energy and no grounding wire) And for the first time since I allowed the fear vibe in (a few weeks ago), and didn´t catch it in time, and then the law of attraction brought me more of the same feeling thoughts more and more and more until last night I finally took the time and space to just quietly observe what was happening in my experience.
It was a cold dark room. In the beginning I was scared of dark beings. Then I was scared of the girl that hates me and what if she spread her hatred and other people started hating me. Then I was scared I was being awkward in all my social interactions and wasn´t giving everyone the love I love to give when I focus my attention on someone. Then I was scared of losing friends because of my awkwardness. Then I was scared my music sucks. Then I was scared I might fail as an artist. Then I was scared of having no money. Then I was scared that maybe I am a phony human and don´t deserve friends or good things in life. Then I was scared of my future as a touring musician and what if that ruins my relationship.
And around and around my thoughts went.
And it has been like this for the past few weeks as I dove into my work and neglected my self love and care schedule, gradually feeling worse and worse and spinning around and not knowing why.
SO there I laid in bed last night, finally with time, space and silnce to reconnect with my self and for the first ten minutes my head spun and I felt horrid.
Then I went "OH, I´m practising the vibrations of FEAR!" I´m literally eating horrid thoughts! And as each new fear-based thought came, I caught it and I gently hugged it, and I practised my wise, positive, reasonable voice on each thought.
"Oh, That girl? Her hating you is more a reflection of herself - of course! You know who you are, why let her ugly thoughts have any affect on you? "Beautiful Shannon! Rest your body. You have AMAZING friends. Go easy on yourself. Let it go." "You don´t do music primarily to succeed! You do it because you love it" "Just keep doing your work, angel, Step by step. You have already come such a long way." "You can already see money coming, Law of attraction is gold. It is already here. Go easy beautiful"
And one by one, peaceful, loving, goddess Shannon loved, caressed and sung to fearful scared Shannon.
And fearful Shannon finally slept a deep healing sleep for the first time in weeks ~
Excerpt from Shannon morning pages 22.03.2018